Having a blow out at 65mph is never fun,, in most cases, but can be quite exciting if your a road junkie, There is no feeling like white knuckling the steering wheel,, puckering up so tight you can taste your unders and yur lip is so curled it looks like a cheeto. Not to mention the fear in the ole eyeballs, Now if you have passengers or pets,, then they are doing a death grip on the grab handle or arm rest and are on the edge of a full blown spastic release of their bowels, Animals, just get it over with and soil what ever seat they happen to be sitting in.
Now every seasoned RV'er knows that blow outs only happen when your in the wrong lane,, well at least 99.99999 % of the time anyways.
Your in the hammer lane, pouring on the coals to pass that elderly couple on a Sunday drive doing 37 mph in a 75 mph zone, Pretty much a Driving Miss Daisey scene. So you come up behind them at a comfortable 65 mph,, and realize you have to pass and you check your mirrors and safely change lanes and pour on the coals to pass,, you get back up to cruising speed pulling alongside them as you pass and notice the poor ole guy is approx, 4'3" and barely seeing over the dash,, by looking through the steering wheel to see out the window, and you chuckle a little, thinking he has to have several blocks of wood duct taped to the pedals so his feet reach them.. You pass by with the truck and the trailer is about now alongside him, when BLAM,, Tire blows,slinging rubber every which way,, and the old guy almost goes into full cardiac arrest, (This is a humorous story,, no intention to be cruel or disrespectful to older people). He swerves to the shoulder dodging flying projectile rubber shards. I feel the trailer shudder and weave a little, and white knuckle it a little to maintain control,, And I have a clear area to move back to the right as the older gentleman has pulled way over and stopped several hundreds yards back, I slowly move over, keeping everything in line when BLAMMM,,
Second tire blows, from the flapping shredded 1st tire beating the heck out of it. About this time, the trailer learches hard to the right,
I look in the pass, mirror and see shredding tire fly everywhere along with a hard tilting trailer. I white knuckle the wheel tighter, and I think Im imprinting my fingers into the steering wheel padding down to the metal ring. Im lifted a little in the seat,, feeling my pucker factor go from a casual 3 to 4,,, straight to a 15 plus, (this is on a scale from 1 to 10 mind you). Im working my way to the shoulder as traffic rapidly approaches behind me as Im slowing down from 65 down to a managable 25 to 30 mph to get everything to the shoulder safely.
I finally get to the shoulder and get everything stopped, I settle back down in my seat, having a case of dry mouth,, probably caused from my fruit of the looms, and I slowly unstick each finger from the steering wheel, I finally pry them all free from the white knuckle death grip,,, making a mental note, to get a new steering wheel cover with extra padding. I climb out to inspect the damage. I have this gurgle in the ole gut, knowing its not going to look pretty at all. Im invisioning shredded tires and destroyed siding. I round the back and go to the pass. side and WOW.. is all I could say, There sits 2 tires so shredded, they looked like black shredded cheese with a few remnants of tire innerds. The fancy fender skirt is gone and some of the siding look like it went through the battle of the bulge. I look inside the wheel wells, and it shined up that painted black metal to the purdiest silver ya ever saw,,, of course along with it,, shredded wiring and the box enclosure under the dinette. I call road service and explained the situation in detail and the lady on the other end said a service truck will be there within the hour since he was close by.
So I sit there and wait,,, and wait, and wait some more.. After about 2 1/2 hours I call back, and the lady said he should be there by now,, and she was going to call him to find out where he was. I was soooo ready to explode and rip her a new one,, but she sounded so sweet and was being helpful I just bit my tongue and cooled down,, and just invisioned her sitting at her desk and baking cookies in the oven next to her office, So Finally 4 hrs later this kid about 11 shows up,, (ok,, he was maybe 25 if that,) and walks over and looks at the tires and says, ummm you have 2 flats,, I cant tow this with flat tires,,
Well NO SH** SHERLOCK,,, great observation. Your a road service company who changes tires. He says, well yea, but I cant do that on the side of the road,, cuz its dangerous. Right about now, my blood pressure is on boil,, and Im about ready to go full blown PHYSCO Ninja on him. I tell him to hold tight as I took a walk down the road a little bit to cool down and get the ole blood pressure down, and the urge to wad him up and stuff him in the fuel tank of his wrecker. (That would be kinda funny,, actually it would be a GAS,LOL ) ok,, bad joke, cough cough. I call his dispatcher back and explain what the driver told me and she asked to talk to the driver,, So I walk over and hand him the phone and they chit chat for about 10 minutes and he hands the phone back and says, ok, sir,, I can get this fixed for you.. I sigh, and say,, ok then, get it done, I have places to be,, and its dark, and the skeeters are hungry, (For you that dont know what a skeeter is,, its a pesky lil thing you can hear but usually not see,, they find a sweet spot and POW,, stick that 10 guage needle like beak into your skin and suck the blood right out,, then leave just as your about to swat it,,, also called Mesquito's) Now I have heard they dont bite Clowns,,, They seem to taste funny.. ba da da boom. Ok, anyway, I have ONE spare and the driver was informed I WILL NEED an additional tire mounted and installed.. He gets the 1st tire changed AFTER I let him use my bottle jack, (Cuz he didnt happen to have anything like that to lift the trailer.), Then he asked, where is the 2nd tire? I look at him,, and say, duh Einstien,, Your are supposed to have a tire on your truck and are to mount it on my rim, and put it on my trailer,, duhhhhhh uhhhhhh uhhhhh. He said he aint got no tires;'
KAPOW,, instant Aneurysm.. I'm tired, cranky, itch from being the skeeto's buffet, and I ask the guy,, where is a tire place or a walmart located that is still open... He says Walmart is about 25 miles up the road. I tell him, sit, stay, dont move. I unhook the trailer and scream down to ole Wally world, park,, grab a cart and head towards the tire section on a Mission. I find a trailer tire on the rim,, I wrestle it off the rack and get it into the cart with a bang. I go back up front to check out and the only lanes open are self check out. Are you freaking kidding me? seriously... Ok,, calm down,, I go up to the small machine and stand there like an idiot, trying to figure these things out and how to use it,, when,, a clerk walks over and shows me ya have to push start on the screen. Ok,, got it,, now what? She said scan the item across that little piece of glass. Say what?????? You expect me to lift this big a** tire and scan it across that little piece of glass,, she smiles and says, yes,, you have to scan that bar code. I attempt, (Notice I say attempt,) to wrestle the tire out of the cart,, getting it almost halfway up and losing my grip and bang,, back into the cart it goes,, I cursing like a Sailor under my breath at each attempt, while that sweet little clerk just keeps smiling,, (was tempted to smack that smile off her face so hard, her great grand children would feel it,), I give up and ask,, is there a way we can get someone over here to help me? She say,, I suppose I could and stands there with that irritaing smile. Finally she calls over the intercom for assistance at check out lane such and such. Finally,, someone who can actually help instead of just standing there acting like shes trying to have a bowel movement. A guy shows up, and Im shaking my head and saying to myself,, this cannot be happening,, (Wheres Rod Sterling) Humming the twilight zone theme to myself. The guy who shows up, must have been 150 years old at least,, give or take 20 years. How the heck is he supposed to help me lift this tire? He walks up to the cart and says, thats a big tire ya got there,, kinda looks heavy to. I mutter to myself,, duh, Ya think? He scatches his head and says, I cant lift that,, and he takes the cart and with everything he had,, he tipped the cart over on its side and the tire is set free.It wals over to the tire and stands it up right and rolls it over to the scanner machine and is thinking how he can get the tire up there to scan it.. After about 10 minutes of intense thinking, he tells the girl to go get her gun.. Shes still smiling when she says okie dokie and prances over to her little podium and grabs this gun looking thing... The old guy, pushes a couple buttons on it,, then a couple buttons on the check out screen and he points the gun at the sticker on the wheel, and it goes bleep bleep bleep, and the tire price appears on the screen. He looks at me and asks,, is that all sir? Umm yea,,,, I pay the amount,, and I get my reciept and I ROLL the tire out of the store to my truck. I get out there, and balance the tire against the side of my truck and drip the tailgate down. I roll the tire around to the back and with a grunt attempt to hoist that tire into the back of the truck. Well that worked like a floating lead balloon, As I feel the veins bulge in my forehead, and a bad case of hemmoroids start forming. I half lean against the tail gate balancing the tire, catching my breath trying to figure a way to get this tire into the back of the truck. A young buck was walking by and says,, need a hand sir? I look up and said I would sure appreciate it. He grabs that tire like it was the weight of a candy bar and tosses it into the back of the truck,,, he says there ya go,,, and I say, thanks,, but hold on.. I get a ten out of my pocket and hand it to him, and he says,, no sir,,, That was nothing and trys to hand the money back,, and I say,, keep it,, buy your girl a nice burger or something,, and he says are you sure? I said way sure.. He says, but I was just helping.. I said you deserve it and thanks again,,, he says thanks and heads off to the store. That was worth the ten spot. I close the tail gate, get in the rtruck and head back to the trailer and wrecker driver.. I pull up,, told the kid a new tire is in the back and he can get it mounted.
Now whats funny,,, is that kid wasnt bornt with the case of the smarts. He actually stood where I had left him the whole time I was gone. He said he had to pee,, but was holding it till I got back.. I told him to go behind the truck,, do your thing and then put the tire on. Not saying he was a complete idiot,, But he couldda gone pee while I was gone.
He gets the tire out and mounted and puts MY bottle jack and handle back in my truck.. I hook back up to the trailer and ready to roll and he says I owe him $50 for waiting. He said its $25 an hour if he has to wait.Well, I confuse him with basic logic and ended up paying him $25 and went on my way.... So,,,, as everyone expects,,, whats the moral of this story? The moral is,,,, Carry 2 spares if you can.. will save you a lot of headaches and possibly a case of hemmoroids.
Remember,, be safe, have fun. and make memories,