Got up early,, walked to the kitchen like someone coming off a 14 day binge drinking fest, walking bow legged and pigion toed,eyes crossed and blood shot. Fumbled with the coffee maker,and after several attempts get the paper filters seperated and one dropped in the basket, I fumble with the coffee can and manage to get a couple scoops out with out spilling it all over the counter,and get the basket inserted in the coffee maker slots and I pour the water in, flip the switch and wait,,,and wait,,and wait some more,,, and while i waited,,, I waited some more, Finally 10 minutes later, coffee is done and I pour the 1st cup,, which will be followed by several more soon.

Im sipping the hot coffee as I start taking things off the counter shelves putting them in tupperware type containers, Taking the pictures down off the walls and anything else I can see that will fall or tumble while I toodle down the road. I get a second cup started and the eyes are finally un crossing, and my feet are now aligning back into the forward direction. I throw on a pair of work jeans and shirt and get ready to head out the door. Now people have asked why do I have a certain pair of jeans and a work shirt for tinkering etc. Well thats a no brainer,, Cuz I think I would look silly in a tux and long tails, a cumberbund and a top hat, just saying,,, maybe some people do that, but I dont,, Plus it would clash with my steel toed flip flops, I go out and spin the rear stabalizers up, move crap out of the way,, go up front and use the electric landing to go up and release tension off the king pin stabalizer,, get that dropped into the back of the truck, And yes about this time Im wheezing, attempting to hock up a vital organ or 2 or 5,, that stabalizer is heavy, Plus about this time, I realize, it would have been easier,, and I mean really easier, if I had dropped the tailgate of the truck first. Palm on the forehead moment.Ok break time,, go back inside,, polish off that second cup, and pour a 3rd and sit down,, While chillaxing, I decide to check blood pressure,,, hmmmm I didnt know a B/P monitor went that high,,, makes a mental note to ask my dr, about that. Mite save those numbers for my next try at the lottery. I finally get my 4th wind,and go back out and this time I DO put the tailgate down, because I do have to back up under the hitch, and nothing gets your attention faster then backing up with the gate up and hearing that crunch of bending metal,,Not that I have ever ever ever done that before, (batting innocent eye lashes,) I back up till the pin is a few inches from the hitch and jump out to double check the height and adjust as nessasary, then finish backing under the pin and lock it into place,, set the safety lock, connect break away cable and plug in the trailer plug, I walk on each side pulling the wheel chocks and putting them in the back of the truck, and remembering to flip the tailgate back up. I go back up front and retract the front landing gear and then do a walk around light check, Good to go, I go back inside to polish off that last cup of coffee and pour another, I move anything that could be in the way of the slide out, and then push the button and let it do its thing,,, comes in smooth and stops like its supposed to.. Likes when things work the first time, Wow,, it got narrow in here with the slide in.. hmmmm. Now the big decision,,, Do I wake the better half up,,,,,,,,,,, OR,,,,,,,,,,,, suprise the crap outta her as I toodle down the road and she wakes up while moving? (evil grin like the grinch). I know, I know, that would be mean,(another evil grinch smile ). But I had better be nice and wake her, Its so tempting to stand along side them and lean down and whisper once or twice,, wakey up,,, then yelling at the top of your lungs like Sgt, Payne the drill seargent Wake UP.... But that usually results in them leaning up so fast, butting heads and breaking your nose in 5 places,,,, Not a good idea. Anywho, I wake her up to let her know,, we are hooked up and ready,,, Shes already dressed as she was up way earlier and got ready and just layed back down till I got up and got everything ready to go. We sit down and I let her get her bearings as I polish off another cup of coffee before setting the coffee maker in the sink for the short trip. We finally get loaded in the truck and ease our way out of the RV spot slot and away we go,, right turn, left turn,another right,, vear left, sway right, dodge the chuck holes, hog the middle of the road,, easy peasy. Uneventful till the exit to head to the lake, Im behind a car at a stop sign, and no cross traffic,,, we sit another couple minutes, (feels like 3 days) before I toot the horn,,, no response,,, finally I go all Rambo, and empty my air tank and give her 122 decibels of raw air horns,,, almost loud enough to vibrate the paint off her car. Still nothing,, hmmmm maybe shes a zombie,,, cuz shes moving about inside the car, but not responding. I put the truck in park and walk up and tap the window,, she looks up from her **Phone** and rolls the window down and I asked her, What the *&%# is your problem? She replies, Im texting my BFF.. If there was anytime in my lifetime I wanted to punch a lady in the side of the head and ask what is wrong with you,, this was the time. I kept my cool and walked back to the truck, and I back up enough to I can make a move to go around her, and just as I am along side her ready to turn left,, she decides, shes done texting her BFF and darts out in front of me to the left and heads on down the road. Me get road rage? Nawwww.. Ok,, maybe a little,, visions of Mad Maxx scenes run through my mind,, But I had better be on my best behavior. We take the long 2 lane road and just beofre the final turn off to the lake , there sits that Ditz,, the one who was busy on the phone with her BFF at the stop sign, sitting on the edge of the road with a front flat tire,, Now being a kind gentleman,(laughing arent you?), I stop and better half rolls her window down, and the girl asks if we know how to change a flat tire, hmmmmm. pausing and thinking,, better half looks at me for one of my classic smart a$$ed sarcastic come backs,, and Im taking longer then usual with this one,, maybe not enough coffee, I finally draw in a deep breath and politley tell the young (apparently deaf lady who cant hear air horns), Why dont you call your BFF,? and I pull away,, meanwhile my betterhalf almost snorts diet coke out of her nose laughing so hard at my calm and cool reply, and she says, I cant believe you told her that. I told her, Im a gentleman,,,then we both laughed,,, We get to the lake and park entrance and check in and we must have been a sight,, eyes all red and wet from laughing so hard.. We find our spot under a nice scrub shade tree and get everything all hooked up, and relax a little watching everyone play on or in the water,,, nothing better then a fresh breeze blowing across the water, Life is good,,,,, Hmmm, I wonder if that lady got her BFF to come out and help her with that flat tire? Do I really care? Nope,,,,  have a safe holiday and be safe everyone.

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Comment by Rich Thomas on July 5, 2017 at 8:32pm

I probably would have asked for her phone number. great read Lakota

Comment by M K Wilkie on July 4, 2017 at 4:06pm
Oh boy. I needed a good laugh today and you came through!!! Thank you so much. I like Ken and Cindy's comeback too! Hahaha!
Comment by Ken and Cindy Haney on July 4, 2017 at 12:26pm
Nice reply to the Ditz. I would have just said "Yes I do" then drive off laughing BWAHAHAHAHAHA. I like yours better.
Comment by Pat Daly on July 3, 2017 at 11:15pm

what a great read!  :)



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